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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|